Words hit as hard as the fist

Hej Style Hunter

Words hit as hard as the fist

Det er ikke nogen hemmelighed at jeg ser en del tv lige for tiden. Og jeg har også fulgt med i “Gift ved første blik USA II” og jeg har netop set afsnit 14 hvor parrene mødes 6 måneder efter eksperimentet sluttede.

Words hit as hard as the fist

I dette afsnit møder vi Jessica og Ryan igen som fortæller at de er gået fra hinanden. De var eller et af de tre par som besluttede at blive sammen.

I de 6 uger som eksperimentet varer oplever vi flere gange at Ryan er verbalt voldelig over for Jessica, som har svært ved at stå op til Ryans voldsomme udgydelser over for hende.  På et tidspunkt ser det ellers ud som om Ryan har forstået at man ikke kan tale sådan til en Lady.

Words hit as hard as the fist

Desværre viser det sig at Ryan ikke er i tand til at ændre sin adfærd og de ender med at gå fra hinanden. Jeg skal ærligt indrømme at jeg har siddet med ondt i maven når jeg så hvordan Ryan talte til Jessica. Words hit as hard as the fist.

Jeg synes vi har brug for opmærksomhed på at et voldeligt sprog er lige så skadeligt som fysisk vold. Jeg tror der er mange kvinder som lever i en psykisk voldeligt forhold uden at være bevist om at de bor sammen med en tyran.

Words hit as hard as the fist

Annie Kaszina har skrevet bogen ‘Elsker du en tyran?’ som netop handler om hvordan det er at være i et psykisk voldeligt forhold.

Annie Kaszina forklarer at din partner kan være kærlig og omsorgsfuld det ene øjeblik for det næste sekund at opføre sig stærkt kritisk over for dig. Han fortæller dig måske, hvor højt han elsker dig, samtidig med at han ikke drager omsorg for dig og ikke behandler dig med omtanke. Faktisk behandler han dig indimellem – eller måske ligefrem en stor del af tiden – som om han virkelig hader dig.

Hvis du forsøger at formilde din partner vil du opleve at ”Det du gør, er bare aldrig godt nok. Du er i højere grad underhunden i forholdet, end du er den ligeværdige partner”, lyder det fra Annie Kaszina, der selv har levet mere end 20 år i et psykisk voldeligt forhold. I mere end 10 år har hun hjulpet kvinder, der er udsat for psykisk vold, med at forstå, hvad der sker for dem.

”Dine evindelige forsøg på at vinde hans opmærksomhed og behage ham, giver kun begrænset succes. Af og til bliver han charmeret, men ofte er han afvisende”, fastslår Kaszina.

”Hvis du går og spekulerer på, hvordan det kan være, at din partner behandler dig så dårligt, er det fordi, I har to vidt forskellige dagsordener. Du vil gerne leve i et forhold, der er baseret på kærlighed, men virkeligheden er, at du lever i et forhold, der er baseret på kontrol. ”

Ifølge Annie Kaszina skal du være opmærksom på, at den kritik, som din partner udsætter dig for, sandsynligivs ikke har noget med dig at gøre: ”Din psykisk voldelige partner kæmper med sine egne følelser af værdiløshed og bruger sit forhold til dig til at skabe en følelse af personlig magt og overlegenhed. Det sker på din bekostning.”

Words hit as hard as the fist

Kan du nikke genkenden til noget af dette kan du læse mere om emnet her. Hvis du lever i et lignende forhold, skal du spørge dig selv hvorfor du finder dig en sådan en behandling. Hvorfor du ikke siger fra ? og hvad er det værste der kan ske hvis du siger fra ? Når du kender svaret på de to spørgsmål kan du begynde at hjælpe dig selv, enten ved at sige fra eller ved at gå.

Jeg må indrømme at jeg er glad for at Ryan ikke længere kan behandle Jessica så dårligt. Han mangler selvindsigt til at forstå at den måde at opfører sig på ikke er ok. Han sidder godt nok og undskylder, men jeg oplever blot at han siger det fordi han er nødt til det. Inderst inde mener han at Jessica bare skal kunne tåle det. Og det er i bund og grund kendetegnet for en tyran – han er uden skyld og ansvar.

Words hit as hard as the fist

Jeg ønsker dig en dejlig dag og glæder mig til vi ses igen.

ILYG

/Angel

English Translation

Hello Style Hunter

It’s no secret that I’m a see a lot of tv at the moment. And I have seen the “Married at first sight USA II” and I have just seen episode no 14 where the pairs meet six months after the experiment had ended.

In this episode we meet Jessica and Ryan again, they are telling that they have separated. They were one of the three couples who decided to stay together.

In the six weeks that the experiment lasted, we experience several times that Ryan is verbally violent towards Jessica, who find it difficult to stand up to Ryan’s violent outbursts against her. At one point it looks otherwise like Ryan hat understood that he can not talk like that to a lady.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Ryan is not in the tooth to change his behavior, and they end up splitting up. I must admit that I have watch Jessica and Ryans altercations with a stomach ache when I saw the way Ryan spoke to Jessica. Words hit as hard as the fist.

I think we need attention to the fact that a violent language is just as harmful as physical violence. I think there are many women who live in a psychologically abusive relationship without being aware that they live with a tyrant.

Annie Kaszina has written the book ‘Do you Love a tyrant?’ which is about how it is to be in a psychologically abusive relationship.
Annie Kaszina explain how a partner can be loving and caring one moment to the next second behave highly critical towards you. He might tell you how much he loves you, while he does not take care of you and not treat you with care. In fact, he treats you sometimes – or perhaps even a large part of the time – as if he really hates you.

If you try to appease your partner you will experience that “What you do is just never good enough. You are more likely to be the under dog in the relationship than you are to be an equal partner “, says Annie Kaszina who have lived more than 20 years in a psychologically abusive relationship. In more than 10 years, she has helped women who are subjected to mental abuse, to understand what is happening to them.

“Your incessant attempts to win his attention and please him, gives only limited success. Sometimes he is charmed, but often he’s dismissive “states Kaszina.

“If you go and wonder how it could be that your partner is treating you so badly, it is because you have two very different agendas. You want to live in a relationship based on love, but the reality is that you live in a relationship based on control. “

According to Annie Kaszina you should be aware that the criticism that your partner exposes you to, putatively has nothing to do with you, “Your mental violent partner struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship with you to create a sense of personal power and superiority. It happens at your expense. “

Do you recognize any of this you can read more on the subject here.

I must admit that I’m glad that Ryan can no longer deal with Jessica so badly. He lacks self-awareness to understand that the way to behave in not ok. He is good enough and apologize, but I feel just that he says it’s because he needs it. Deep down he thinks that Jessica should just tolerate it. And that is basically characterized for a tyrant – he is without guilt and responsibility.

I wish you a nice day and I look forward to seeing you again.

ILYG

/ Angel

 

About AngelQueen

I love fashion and my style cores is feminine. If your style core isn't the feminine don't worry, because the are 6 style cores to choose from. I love to play with my style and I always try to find new ways to put my outfits together. I believe that fashion should be like a game - a fun game where I try new looks and still remains true to my style core. Besides fashion is a breeze, I also think it should be festive, so I give my styleing max speed - in my universe, every day is a celebration of life. If you love fashion, I hope you will love my blog and find inspiration for your fun with the fashion games. I wish you welcome to my blog and wish you a lot of fun. ILYG

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