I am a f… dandelion child

Hej Style Hunter

I am a f... dandelion child

I am a f… dandelion child. Jeg så Tema lørdag om at overleve en lorte barndom fyldt med omsorgssvigt og tæsk.

Hvis du har læst min barndom, så ved du at jeg også er startet med en udfordret barndom. Netop min barndom og følgerne af dette vil jeg gerne komme ind på i dette indlæg.

I am a f... dandelion child

Jeg har klaret mig godt, jeg har knækket den sociale arv og jeg er fucking stolt af mig selv. Betyder det så at det har været nemt og at det hele var overstået da jeg blev 18 år og myndig ?

Nej bestemt ikke, det er en livslang læring hvor man hele livet skal være villig til at kigge indad og ikke mind arbejde med sig selv. At blive bevidst om egne styrker og svagheder og arbejde med sine svagheder, mønstre og adfærd. Jeg er 55 år og jeg arbejder stadig.

I udsendlsen får Sara Louise efter en personlighedstest svar på hvilke personlige egenskaber man mener har betydning for at gå gennem trauner og komme hel ud på den anden side.

3 egenskaber er vigtige for at klare det. 

  1. Ubekymret
  2. Tillidsfuld
  3. Samvittighedsfuld

I am a f... dandelion child

Og jeg kan klart genkende disse egenskaber, jeg er også ubekymret. Jovist tænker og reflekterer jeg over tingene, men jeg er ikke bange for at kaste mig ud i noget. Jeg er tillidsfuld, lige ind til det punkt hvor nogen svigter min tillid. Og samtvittighedsfuld og målrettet er også noget jeg kan genkende.

Jeg er som sagt ikke bange for at kaste mig ud i noget. Jeg beslutter mig, smøger ærmerne op og er ikke bange for at arbejde hårdt for at nå mit mål. Jeg har tillid til andre mennsker og stoler på det de siger. Men bliver min tillid svigtet regerer jeg hårdt og beslutsomt jeg accepterer ganske enkelt ikke svigt.

I am a f... dandelion child

Jeg selv mener også at mit lyse sind som spiller godt sammen med at være ubekymret har stor betydning, lige som min gode fantasi og evne til at reflekterer tjener mig godt når jeg skal forfølge mine må.

Sara Louise giver et godt eksempel på hvilken håbløs situation man som barn befinder sig i, når de voksne med magten ikke pfører sig acceptabelt. Hun beder seerne om at forestille sig at man som voksen, skal lukkes ind i et miljø et år, hvor man ved man hver dag vil blive udsat for vold. Og at man ikke kan komme væk. Det er en præcis beskrivelse af barnets oplevelse af uretfærdighed og magtesløshed. 

I am a f... dandelion child

Jeg kan huske som barn at jeg følte jeg var blevet kasseret af min biologiske mor, at jeg ikke var god nok, at jeg var forkert. Min mor (min plejemor) gav mig tæv med bøjler og tæppebankere hvis hun mente jeg havde været ulydig. Jeg kan huske hun sagde jeg ikke havde nogen vilje, at min vilje sad i hendes lomme. Hun kunne true med at sende mig væk, at hun ikke ville have mig hvis jeg hun var vred på mig.

Jeg dækkede over hvad der virkelig foregik, fordi jeg ikke ville sendes tilbage til min biologiske mor, en verden som var ukendt og utryg for mig. Jeg vidste på en måde at hvis nogen vidste hvad der foregik i mit liv, ville jeg blive sendt et andet sted hen. Det er netop den situation som Sara Louise beskriver, at barnet becinder sig i.

I am a f... dandelion child

Og ja, også jeg lærte at distancerer mig fra volden. Utrygheden som både min biologiske mor og min mor (plejemor) udsatte mig for, var 100 gange værre. Og har givet mange ar på sjælen som jeg har arbejdet vanvittigt hårdt med hele mit liv.

Jeg kan huske at jeg glædede mig til at blive myndig og at besluttede mig for hvordan mit liv skulle værre når jeg blev voksen. Og at jeg aldrig ville behandle mine børn på samme måde. 

I am a f... dandelion child

Mit liv har, lige som alle andres liv, budt på op og ned ture og jeg har mødt mange ubehagelige og ondskabsfulde mennesker lige som jeg heldigvis har mange gode mennesker i mit liv.

Jeg har aldrig følt mig som et offer. Når jeg møder modgang bliver jeg bare mere målrettet og fast besluttet på at ingen skal knække mig. At jeg kan stole på mig selv, at jeg kan klare mig selv. 

I am a f... dandelion child

Naturligvis bløder jeg lige som alle andre hvis jeg skære mig, men aldrig om jeg viser det. Det er kun inderkredsen af mine venner og familie som jeg viser min sårbarhed til. Og det er helt sikkert noget jeg har lært af min barndom. Jeg kan huske at jeg aktivt besluttede aldrig at vise når jeg blev ramt.

Jeg er super stolt af mig selv, fordi min barndom havde kursen mod katastrofe og et liv på gaden. Grunden til det ikke sket, var at jeg besluttede at jeg ville klare det, jeg skulle vise dem alle at jeg kan selv.

Jeg synes det var interessant at se udsendelsen, som på den måde har givet mig svar på hvad det er i mig, der hjulpet mig til at overvinde min lortebarndom. Og ikke mindst visheden om at jeg stadig indeholder disse egenskaber og dermed altid vil kunne gennemgå svære ting. Og det er en rar følelse.

I am a f... dandelion child

Og ja det bliver altid godt, når vi kommer ud på den anden side, derfor skal man aldrig give op.

Jeg ønsker dig en smuk Søndag og glæder mig til vi ses igem.

ILYG

/Angel

 

English Translation

 

Hi Style Hunter I am a f … dandelion child. Yesterday I saw Theme Saturday to survive a shabby childhood full of abuse and neglect.

If you have read my childhood, you know that I have also started a challenging childhood. Exactly my childhood and the consequences of this I would like to address in this post. I’ve done well, I’ve broken the social heritage and I’m fucking proud of myself.

Does that mean that it has been easy and that everything was over when I was 18 years old and authoritative? No, certainly not, it’s a lifelong learning where I my entire life must be willing to look inward and not mind working with myself. To become aware of my own strengths and weaknesses and work with the weaknesses, patterns and behaviors. I’m 55 years old and I’m still working.

In the tv show, Sara Louise, after a personality test, answers what personal qualities are believed to be important to go through such an odel and get on the other side.

3 personal qualities are important to to have in order cope with the aftermaths of such odel.

  1. Unconcerned
  2. Trusting
  3. Conscientious

And I can clearly recognize these attributes, I’m also unconcerned. Of cause I thinks and reflects on things, but I’m not afraid to throw myself into something. I am confident, right up to the point where someone fails my trust. And conspicuous and targeted is also something I can recognize.

As I said, I’m not afraid to throw me into something. I decide to pull my sleeves up and I’m not afraid to work hard to reach my goal. I trust others and believe what they say. But if my trust is dropped, I rule hard and decently, I simply do not accept fake behavior.

I myself also think that my bright mind, which plays well with being unconcerned, is of great importance, just as my good imagination and ability to reflect me serve me well, when I pursue my goals.

Sara Louise provides a good example of the hopeless situation that you as a child are in when the grown ups do not behave acceptable. She asks the viewers to imagine that, as an adult, you must be sealed into an environment one year where you know every day you will be exposed to violence. And that you can not get away. That is a precise description of the child’s experience of injustice and powerlessness.

I remember as a child that I felt I had been discarded by my biological mother, that I was not good enough that I was wrong. My mother (my foster mother) spanked me with hangers and a beater if she thought I had been disobedient. I remember she said I had no will, that my will was in her pocket. She could threaten to send me away and say that she did not want me if she was angry with me.

I covered up what really was happening because I would not be sent back to my biological mother, a world that was unknown and creepy to me. I knew in a way that if anyone knew what was going on in my life, I would be sent somewhere else. That was precisely the situation that Sara Louise describes that the abused child is acting in. And yes, I too, I learned to distance myself from the violence. The threat that both my biological mother and my mother (foster mother) exposed were 100 times worse.

And that fear has layed a lot of challenge on my soul that I’ve worked crazy hard with my whole life in order to overcome. I remember that I was looking forward to grow up and become adult and dreaming  and deciding how to make my life better. And decide that I would never treat my children in the same way. And I can honestly say I never did.

My life, like everybody else’s life, has its up and down trips and I have met many unpleasant and malicious people just as I fortunately have many good people in my life. I have never felt like a victim. Whenever I encounter adversity, I am just more focused and determined that nobody will break me. That I can trust myself that I can manage myself. Of course i’ll bleed like everyone else if I cut myself, but never ever will I show it. It’s only the inner circle of my friends and family that I show my vulnerability. And that’s definitely something I’ve learned from my childhood. I remember that I actively decided never to show when I was hit.

I am super proud of myself because my childhood had the course of disaster and a life on the streets. The reason for that did not happen was that I decided I would not do that, I would show everybody that I can take care of myself and make a life for myself.

I think it was interesting to see the broadcast, which in a way gave me a response to what it is in me, that helped me overcome my shit childhood. And not least, the certainty that I still have these qualities and thus always will be able to undergo difficult things. And that’s a nice feeling.

And yes, it will always end well when we get out on the other side, so you should never give up.

I wish you a beautiful Sunday and look forward to seeing you through.

ILYG

/Angel

About AngelQueen

I love fashion and my style cores is feminine. If your style core isn't the feminine don't worry, because the are 6 style cores to choose from. I love to play with my style and I always try to find new ways to put my outfits together. I believe that fashion should be like a game - a fun game where I try new looks and still remains true to my style core. Besides fashion is a breeze, I also think it should be festive, so I give my styleing max speed - in my universe, every day is a celebration of life. If you love fashion, I hope you will love my blog and find inspiration for your fun with the fashion games. I wish you welcome to my blog and wish you a lot of fun. ILYG

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